


She Allows It

by LadyFrandrews



Series: Fathom [4]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Eleven's POV, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 05:15:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19144291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyFrandrews/pseuds/LadyFrandrews





	She Allows It

 

* * *

Love was an interesting concept to her.

 

She knew on some level, in some regard, Papa loved her. Moreso her abilities, well, he loved a part of her.

 

Jim, he loved her. He loved her with all the broken parts of his heart. And she loved him with all the broken parts of hers too.

 

Mike. Mike loves her, and she knows that what he described love to be, she feels something similar. Maybe not as potent as him, but she loves him.

 

Mike’s love is not like Papa’s or Jim’s.

 

Mike loves her like Billy loves Steve. Steve loves like Mike she’s noticed. But Billy, Billy loves like her.

 

She knew Billy loved Steve before Billy ever told Steve. She knows she’s not supposed to go into someone’s memories or thoughts without permission, but he was broadcasting his feelings and she was curious.

 

Will asked if they could have a cook-out. School was almost over. When he explained it to her she begged Jim and Joyce to allow The Party and their guests to come over for a cook-out. Joyce made a face, one El’s learned Jim cannot resist agreeing to whatever follows that look on Joyce’s face.

 

Jonathan says it’s like puppy dog eyes, when they’re sad and want something. She’s not completely sure what he means but if it gets Jim to soften up and put more effort than his normal routine to look socially acceptable, she’ll encourage Joyce’s puppy dog eyes as often as necessary. She knows they love each other, but Max has told her that it’s not polite to interfere with matters of the heart. So she stays quiet and watches. Waiting until they finally figure it out.

 

She’s sitting on a blanket, hot dog on her plate--which she knows is not actually made from a dog, watching Steve follow Billy around with his eyes. She told Max to invite him. Family is not something Billy knows what to do with. Perhaps she can help him and they can learn together how to be a part of one they choose.

 

Steve is currently bouncing his attention between Dustin and Billy, who is approaching her with his own plate of food.

 

“Hey squirt,” he says to her.

 

She smiles and says hello.

 

“Thanks for the invite, I know it wasn’t Max’s idea to have me tag along.”

 

It hurts him a little bit, but she knows that’s not her place to meddle. Besides, it’s not the relationship she wants to help him with. Max will come around.

 

“Steve is staring.”

 

She watches Billy quickly glance over before turning his attention back to her and taking a bite of his own hot dog--which has mustard, ketchup, and relish on it. She’s not fond of the smell those combine to make.

 

“Love,” she says looking at him and then pointedly over to Steve.

 

She knows that Billy knows exactly who she’s looking at. His cheeks turn pink and she thinks it’s adorable.

 

“Love,” she says again with a nod of finality.

 

Billy shakes his head, “No idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“Yes you do. You love.”

 

She doesn’t say more than that because she knows people believe Billy isn’t capable of love or being loved. If that’s the truth than she doesn’t deserve the love her new family and friends give her. It’s not fair for them to treat her as if her past is in the past and not extend that same courtesy to him.

 

Billy can change. He’s still growing up. Jim’s old and he still has to grow up some days.

 

She knows in Billy’s heart that he hates himself for what he did to Steve that night. But she also knows that he’s actually talked to Steve about that night too. Steve told him some of the truth.

 

She doesn’t like that Billy lives with a monster that hasn’t been locked away yet.

 

“Does he, does he love too?” Billy asks her, in a quiet voice she recognizes is only for their conversations.

 

She looks back across the yard at Steve, who’s laughing with Dustin and Lucas about something and she nods.

 

“Unconditionally. Unrepentantly. Wholeheartedly.”

 

“Oh, someone’s been using her Word of the Day calendar!”

 

“Have you told him?” She asks.

 

“I can’t.”

 

She looks up at him, “Why?”

 

She can read his fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of the unknown. Fear of ridicule. Fear of his Papa. Fear for Steve.

 

“Papa,” she says a little louder than a whisper but she knows he’s heard her. He tenses and looks down at his hands and gives her a tense nod.

 

“I can’t put him in that kind of danger.”

 

“You don’t deserve that kind of danger.”

 

“I’m not a good person, squirt. You know this about me.”

 

“I wasn’t a good person too.”

 

He shook his head, “No, that, that’s not the same! That monster taught you no other way of living.”

 

She looked him squarely in the eye, “Same as you. Your Papa’s taught you no other way. But you know different now. You think and feel different.”

 

“Shit kid, how are you so smart, huh?”

 

She knows he’s deflecting because he’s emotional. She allows it.

 

Billy is delicate in that volatile way like she is.

 

Steve is soft like Mike. Fierce with his love though.

 

Strength for keeping her volatile notions at bay.

 

She knows Steve would do the same for Billy.

 

“You should tell him.”

 

“Maybe one day, when I’m ready.”

 

She nods. Accepts that answer. She knows he’s stubborn enough to let his love for Steve give him the courage to tell him how he feels.

 

“Good. Are you going to apply for the lifeguard job at the pool?”

 

She’s learning to deflect conversations too. It’s a useful skill he’s taught her.

 

“Yeah,” he nods, “I think it’d be good. Keep me out of the house and put money in my pocket.”

 

She likes that sometimes when it’s just the two of them on their own, no one else interrupting their bubble of safe space, that their walls come down. Quietly and quickly, and only for each other. It used to make Mike jealous, but when she explained that her friendship with Billy was like his friendship with Max he understood.

 

She listens as he talks about some memories from California and the beach. She would like to see a beach one day. And the ocean. So open and big. Nothing like the capsule Papa would put her in for testing.

 

She can feel eyes on them and doesn’t have to look away from Billy to know that it’s Steve watching them. Watching him.

 

She smiles. In part because the particular memory Billy’s sharing with her is amusing, but also because even from across the yard, she knows and feels that Steve loves him too.

 

Love. Billy loves Steve. Steve loves Billy. Like Mike loves her.

 

She watches from the corner of her eye as Steve excuses himself from the boys and walks towards them. The small hitch in Billy’s breathing lets her know he’s noticed too.

 

“Hey guys, need refills or anything?” Steve asks, standing over them, smile wide and open.

 

“We’re good Steve,” she says. Giving him a small smile in return.

 

“No thank you, Harrington,” Billy gets out. She knows it was a struggle.

 

It amuses her that someone as smart as Billy turns into a babbling idiot, his words, in front of the one he loves. But she’s noticed how Mike trips over his words sometimes when talking with her. Perhaps it’s something people who love each other just do.

 

“You can call me Steve, you know?”

 

She takes another bite of her hot dog, fear of blurting out a secret that’s not hers to tell.

 

She watches as both of their cheeks turn a faint shade of pink and try to look every else but at each other.

 

“Steve,” Billy says a little shaky, and a little breathless.

 

Steve sits with them then. Asks what they were talking about. She doesn’t let Billy answer, and decides this will be the only push she gives them.

 

“Billy’s applying to be a lifeguard at the pool this summer.”

 

“Shit, really? That’s totally cool man, you seem the type,” Steve says and then abruptly clamps his mouth shut in embarrassment once he realizes what he’s just said.

 

“I seem the type?” Billy asks him, slightly defensive.

 

“I mean, I just, you know, you give off that California surfer vibe, so lifeguard really doesn’t seem like too far out of your element. I meant nothing bad by it, I swear.”

 

She notices Steve’s pink cheeks are darkening to a red. How do they not know they love each other?

 

She listens as they start talking in earnest with each other. Genuine curiosity for each other bleeding through.

 

She sneaks away and notices Max staring at them. She beelines for her and sit down next to her and realizes that _she_ knows too.

 

“Love.”

 

Max looks at her and then back towards them, “You know too?”

 

She nods. They grin at each other.

 

“I have a plan,” Max says to her and she listens.


End file.
